A Malik Slushee
by Rayne-Jelly
Summary: Yet another POV hopefully one of the last in which Malik contemplates his usefulness and finally decides on a course of action. Wry humor abounds.


Authors Note: The capitalization in this story is a big thing, it demonstrates change of mood and theme, please don't count me off for it, it's just a little technique I use (a leaf out of DarkStar's book, used with her permission of course).  This little piece of insanity is a Malik POV, it could be somewhat OOC, but I tried, I really did.  Anyway, be nice and thank you. 

Disclaimers: I do not own Yugi-oh.  There. 

~A Use for Malik (formerly known as A Malik Slushee)

i should be doing my homework.  i should be reading up on the latest dueling techniques, the powers of yet another millennium item, or even testing out some new mind trick on some hapless victim; but i just cannot bring myself to try.  i could give it a half hearted attempt, i could make someone stand on his head or lick his own balls like a dog were i so inclined, but i am not.  Lucky for him.  

            i wish i had regular homework like every one else.  i would take double algebra duty, a biology lab, and an English essay just to avoid what i have to do.  But no~o, i had to be malik the righteous, malik the brave; shouldering his civilization's woes and going off to battle the ancient evil.  It's amazing how full of shit i am. i can stand on a pedestal and deliver an earth-shattering speech, only to fail repeatedly in the face of the Pharaoh and his 'friendship'. Feh, the only friendship i have is more like a 'fiend-ship'; Bakura's a bastard, pure and simple, but he is the only one i've ever given half a thought.  

            i may never understand what possessed me to take up world domination.  But that is just it, isn't it? i just answered my own question, didn't i?  Possessed, i am possessed, and my Yami made me do it.  i can't help laughing at that thought. Isn't that what all serial killers say?  'My dog made me do it,'  'my mom made me do it,' 'it was the voices in my head, I'm innocent!' It's all rather pathetic if you ask me, but didn't i just say my Yami made me do it? i am a serial killer am i not? 

A serial killer with absolutely no motivation; the only reason I picked up that stupid rod is because I was pissed at my father, with good reason mind you, but being angry is no excuse for willingly selling your soul for someone more powerful.  That's what I felt like when my yami showed up, I sold my soul.  I became i.

 The Pharaoh and his little 'friends' are all on my hit list so-to-speak. There's going to be a definite connection between those murders.  i can just hear the policemen now, "Op, this Malik kid's the only decent duelist left alive.  Let's lock him up boys."

            my lawyers will tell me to plead insanity, and given my Yami's tendency to fly into violent rages, it is entirely plausible. He too is a bit of a bastard, but aren't we all?  i can almost see the look on the judge's face. He'll be sympathetic, but unyielding as i'm carted of in a straight jacket by the nice smiling men who are trying to make me feel at ease.  

i have no doubt that i'll be caught and convicted. It would be too coincidental if i wasn't.  i would be the only duelist with a Millennium Item that survived the murders. i would be the only placing participant in Kaiba's little tournament, and i would come out of the whole experience completely unscathed. More than that, i have no desire to continue this charade; it's completely pointless. The only way i will ever get out is if i get caught or killed. Then i'll have an excuse to discontinue my mission for revenge – i can go back to being the happy-go-lucky kid that was locked in a basement. 

 Of course, were i to be caught, my damned Yami would just take the reigns, break the grip of the guards, and destroy their minds. That would be a real shame; i deserve to be locked up for a very long time.  Naturally my dearest Yami would escape out to the sea, spending months, possibly years on international waters.  Every single day of our stay on the ocean, He would berate me for my stupidity, leaving me broken in my own mind.  i think i'm already broken, it feels like He is always in control.  i won't need to be an active member of the world anymore; i should just let Him be dominant all the time. i'm tired of fighting Him.

i really should get back to my homework. If i'm going to be evil, i need to be an evil genius; but all i want to do is lay my head on my hands and stare at the paper.  Staring is so much easier than doing, watching is so much easier than acting.  This paper is so simple; there are approximately 30 printed blue lines that are perfectly perpendicular to a single pink line.  i would be willing to bet that the tree that this paper came from never had a Yami.  It never had a mission in life.  All that tree had to do was stand there and be itself until someone benevolently cut it down, ending it's miserable existence and turning it into something useful.  

            i wish i could be like that tree. i wish someone would cut me down and make me something useful; but every time i try to let myself die, He takes over, and His survival instincts are overpowering.  

            my Yami is always so mad at me when i give up, He's always railing on me, screaming in my head about how useless i am, and about how He's ashamed to be saddled with me.  i try not to listen, to retain some of my sanity, but it never works.  It's an easy thing to shut out your mother when she's griping at you, but it's damned near impossible when the person is inside your head.  He is like a demented conscience, telling me to destroy everything in my path, and to wreak havoc on the 'mortals', instead of telling me to be a good boy and eat my vegetables.  What i wouldn't give for a Jiminy Cricket instead of Him.  

            You should have seen the way He reacted with Bakura. i said about two words to the other Yami when He shoved me out of the way and started growling threats at a very amused Bakura.  Well, i guess shoving me is as close as you're going to get for what he really did.  It's very hard to explain the feeling when another personality takes over, it's like being knocked unconscious for a while, and the remaining presence is suddenly the dominant one.  The more it happens, the faster i wake up, but i'm still not powerful enough to wrench control from my Yami. i guess that's the fallacy of the hikari.  my Yami gets what he wants when he wants it, so does Bakura.  Expecting a relationship with your Yami is just plain stupid. ryou's a sentimental idiot and Yugi's just insipid for believing all the crap he spouts.  Love and friendship my ass, the heart of the cards? Feh, if cards had hearts, i would have felt them being crushed.      

            my Yami is being surprisingly quiet through all this, i guess he is not interested in toying with me at the moment.  That's just as well, for all that i would be grateful for a coat rack's company, i don't think i could deal with him right now.  Then again, i am never grateful for His company unless i'm in a particularly masochistic mood.   i just keep myself amused by the thought that my brain must be pretty sharp if it hurts so much to get thrown around the inside of my head. Bakura just says i'm hard headed.  Bastard.  Sometimes the pain gets to be so much that i think it exists in the physical.  i'll wake up crumpled on the floor and see myself covered in blood, only to find that none of my servants have any idea what i'm talking about because it's not really there. 

            This life has made me a sadistic little freak, but i'm nothing compared to Him.  He'll take his frustration out on anything that happens his way, and then laugh as it's cowering at His feet.  He is not above kicking newborn puppies into a storm drain then watching them drown through the man hole when He knows very well that he could have saved them.  i might have thought that was cool when i was twelve, but what kid doesn't think being a bully is cool?  Now i just think it's a waste. i would have trained that puppy as a guard dog, at least made it useful for something.  i'm big on use these days, i hate waste.  

            i've managed to forget why i'm sitting at the kitchen table.  Oh, right, i was supposed to be doing my research but opted for staring out a window instead.  i like the kitchen, everything in here has its place, it all has a use of some kind and there is no cheap decoration.  Sometimes i'll find myself staring at some random implement like a funnel, and wonder what the hell i'll ever need a funnel for, then a week later i'll have to pour some super-sticky, uncontrollable liquid into a bottle and that funnel is damned handy!  i wish i could be as useful as a funnel, i feel like a suitcase; you only need what's inside the suitcase, you don't need the case itself. It's just excess baggage – storage space.  

            i don't know when i became jealous of inanimate objects, first trees, now funnels, but i guess it's better than a suitcase.  Knives.  Knives are another useful thing, they destroy, but they're useful.  You can make things smaller with knives, cut things down, even use a knife as a weapon. Knives are very useful, not always safe, but useful.  i wander over and pick one up, i'm not even pretending to work any more so i might as well indulge a whim.  

            i grabbed one of my favorite knives and sat down with it, it's the long one with the thin blade that flares out at the very end and i can even see my reflection in it.  i look pathetic, my eyes are sunken in, there are deep circles under them, and my usually smirking lips are turned down in a frown.  No wonder my servants keep avoiding me, I look like a zombie.  i haven't been sleeping well lately. Nightmares keep me up at all hours, and there's just no motivation.  i could go to sleep, but most of the time i'm too bored to try, so I stay up and stare into space.  my Yami probably thinks i've snapped. That's why He doesn't bother with me anymore.  He just takes over when He wants, and leaves me to observe. That's fine with me, i don't want to make decisions anymore.   

            I'm not even sure of what I'm doing as I run the blade across my wrist.  There's quite a bite to it. I feel bad for Bakura now, I shouldn't have stabbed him that hard.  Blood spurts at me and I'm surprised. I didn't think I'd cut that deep, but it doesn't matter.  I drag the blade vertically down my arm and dig deeper as I do so.  It's not as pretty as when I stabbed Bakura, his skin is so white that you can see the veins through it, the red is just beautiful on him.  I just look muddy, there's too much pigment in my skin to pull of the contrast. Or maybe that's my vision blurring.  

            It's not like I'm _meaning_ to kill myself. Until this moment I didn't even realize what I was doing; just thinking about what was useful, and one thing led to another.  I can't believe how easy it is. I should have thought of this a long time ago. I would have saved myself a lot of pain.  Someone's yelling at me, I didn't notice them before.  I look around, but don't see a servant; none of my oh-so-concerned followers are anywhere near me. But it's not one of them, it's My yami.  he's screaming at Me hysterically. I think he's afraid to die.  That's really funny, the great and powerful yami is afraid to die.  I'm laughing now, because knives cut things down, and because I've cut My yami down, he's lost control, it's all Me now.  he will probably chase me down in hell for this, but I'll be able to live with it… or maybe not.  That's not what matters, what matters is that I'll be ridding the world of him. I'll be useful for once in My stupid life; while I'm dying.  That's pretty amusing; at least I'll die laughing.  Useful, and Laughing.          

A/N: Like I said, capitalization as a tool.  I hope I didn't make you too dizzy reading it.  


End file.
